The View From My Window...
Landscape and Irrigation Contractor
Katy, TX

Ed note: Have you ever heard someone say "this business would be a breeze if it weren't for employees and customers?" Point being, people challenges are the most demanding and important issues a business owner or manager deals with.  Well, like it or not, that's primarily because people are emotional.  So, we thought we'd throw something in on the emotional side.  Let us know what you think.

One For The Emotional Side Of Things

While waiting, and waiting, for one of my children at an activity recently, I was growing very impatient.  We had things that needed to be done, places to go.  I'm talking about stores, practices, games, and yep, the mini-van was sitting idle just WAITING.  As I paced around burning the anxious energy, low and behold, I walked right a literature rack with a little booklet entitled, "Five Proven Ways To Handle Anger" by Kass Dotterweich.  I thought to myself, "man, I probably should read that". 

First off, anger is a natural human experience of disorganized emotions in the face of circumstances that somehow don't meet our expectations.  The circumstances are NOT what causes the emotion but rather it's our interpretation of the facts and the significance or meaning we place on it.  Also, a certain amount of anger is good and necessary for our survival.  It's when we let it control our behavior that it becomes a problem.  Ever said to yourself, "oops, I shouldn't have said or done that?" Bet you were pretty mad before you did it.

The example of me getting mad above was because I wanted to get all the shopping done and make the practice and game because that's what a good, responsible, capable father does.  I was afraid of the disappointment that people I really care about might experience. 

Most angry episodes are social events that assume meaning in terms of the social contract between participants (Carol Travis, "Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion").  I made a commitment to my wife and children that I would get some things for them from the store and be at their practice and game.  This was all at risk because of the time crunch and the fact I was waiting for a child (nice way of saying I probably over committed).  Couple this with the my self image and contract I have with myself that I am a caring and responsible father.  The net effect, I am pacing the halls, staring at the clock, and heart pumping. 

With my heart racing and emotions charged, I thought I could scream "give me my child you moron.  You are causing me serious pain and potential embarrassment"; however, the little booklet even dealt with that thought.  It said "expect nothing to change".  In other words, don't use your anger to "manipulate" the situation How often do  we throw a fit only hoping to manipulate or change the situation.  In reality, the only thing we control here is our interpretation of the facts and changing our interpretation is a mature act of will.  So, once I understood that, I let go of the instructor"s throat...just kidding.  But by saying "ok, I might not be able to make the store, but I can make the game and practice and go to the store afterwards, breathe easy, all will work out," that's exactly what happened.

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We welcome editorial submissions from our readers - if we use your article, we'll send you a certificate for Omaha Steaks! Email submissions to: jorechwa@johndeerelandscapes.com